Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Round Two?

Some of you out there are probably going to want to throttle me for this... particularly my family and close friends. But hear me out first.

Alaska.  Going back?  Most likely...

I came home due to my severe case of homesickness, in a nutshell.  It's really great being back here, with the ones I love, in the safety of what I know... but perhaps I had a lapse of reason in returning so soon.  I mean, wasn't part of the whole goal in this trip to go and break out of my comfort zone and experience life in a much different way instead of running back to the safety of what I knew? This was one of my own personal expectations in going... and I failed at it miserably.  I feel like I didn't give it the real chance it deserved.

Everyone has been amazingly supportive of me coming back... almost overly so.  But I've been kicking myself in the ass as much as possible for making that move.  I don't regret going.  What I do regret is letting my moment of weakness get the better of me and giving up on something I planned, and planned, and planned for. I'm stronger than that... but you sure wouldn't know it by my actions in the last week or so.  I know that we are our own worst critic, and I'm completely putting myself through the ringer for this choice.

If not for the cost of flying back, I would go...

But someone seems to be looking out for me!  I have been given a very generous offer of accrued airline miles to return to Alaska, at no cost.  To go back to the family in Fairbanks that I left in haste.  To finish up the time I was supposed to spend with them, and to continue on to the location in Homer.  To essentially pick up where I left off.  I've been given a second chance at this.

And I think I'm going to try again.

Although I've decided not to return right away, but instead wait until the end-ish of May.  That way I can be around for the annual dance recital that I never miss, watch the kid's performances, help out where I can be of assistance, and take photos.   And I won't be back in Alaska for as long this time around... possibly making this whole thing more bearable again. 

Okay - here's your chance for throttling... ridicule... it's all good.  Just keep it in good nature and in fun, and I'm totally good with it.  :)