Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Time well spent?

So, here I am... nearly 4 months out of work.  I've put in resumes, made phone calls, visited companies nearly ever day since I've been unemployed... to no avail.

It's disheartening, really.

Agencies that assure they have the "perfect job" for me, or that opportunities are coming down the pipeline and that it should only be a matter of days.  I'm taking the I'll-see-it-when-I-believe-it mentality, as doing otherwise has gotten me nowhere thus far.  I force myself to believe that something better is waiting in the wings.  Without that kind of hope, this whole thing is rather futile.

Oh, and it is.

I've found that this month has been a good one for going downtown Chicago.  Most of the major museums have been running their free-admission weekdays.  I've been to the Art Institute, Shedd Aquarium, Museum of Science & Industry (with the boy)... and all it has cost me was the $4 parking fee at the CTA garage.  The rest of my train/bus fare comes off a pre-loaded CTA card, and not out of pocket.  It's nice.  I've also been taking advantage of some cheap (and sometimes free) offers on dance classes downtown.  Taking classes at Joffrey Ballet and Hubbard Street Dance have been great ways to keep my morale intact, and keep me physically moving.

Despite all of the mini-outings, I do have my dark days.  My days where I think I'm not needed by anyone, for anything.  Not by any employer, not by friends, not by family.  Despondent days when the only comfort I get is from the cat lying on my lap.  But most days, I do fight back - I make an effort to reach out to friends and family, and I get out of the house.  I go take photos.  I dance.  I go to the gym or take Nemo for a walk.  I find things to research.  Things to make me feel purposeful again.  That dark place is not a place I like to visit - there are dangers in that place that are very real.